A Dog's Life
by Sinister Scribe
Summary: House's patients curse him all the time. What if one of them actually had some power behind it? What's Cuddy to do with her top Dr licking her in odd places? Rated for my usual stuff.
1. Chapter 1: Knock, Knock Shit Happens

**Here we are, first chapter of the doggy story as per request. **

**As usual, I don't own any of the characters from the show and I definitely don't have a House-dog on leash. **

**Companion art piece is on my deviantart account, sum of y'all have been over to see me there but there are huddy pictures over there!!!**

**Seriously, I lie not, I got huddy-ness. **

**Aye…so, review me. **

**Chapter 1: Knock-Knock, Shit Happens **

House practically bounced up to the clinic desk and slapped his palm jovially on it. Brenda looked up at him with an almost equal measure of glee.

"Checking out?" She asked on a smile.

House smirked and nodded like a ten year old. "Yep." He paused an instant his eyes meeting Brenda's and they said together.

"Finally!"

Brenda flourished her pen over the ledger. They were both under no illusions at exactly how much of a misery each made of the other's life, but this was a happy day for both of them. House was going on vacation.

For. Two. Whole. Weeks.

That was cause for celebration in and of itself, but Brenda was particularly ready to be rid of the man that took it upon himself to pay special attention to her if his favoured target of Dr Cuddy was nowhere to be seen. Which had been happening rather frequently of late. Brenda pondered over that for a moment. It was common consensus among the staff that the two senior doctors hated each other. Brenda had thought similarly at one time, but there was something underlying all the bitching and banter between the two. Not to mention how Dr Cuddy had put her job, and the hospital on the line more than once to pull a certain diagnostician's fat out of the fire.

Oh no, whatever it was that flared so readily between the two was not hatred. Perhaps similar, the line being a fine one and all that, but not hate.

"Going somewhere nice?" Brenda asked absently, filling out the last of the paperwork putting the details straight into the computer lest he called back to sort something if she forgot to do it later. He shrugged, their conversation taking an almost civil turn.

"Somewhere hot with a lot of half naked women and a low drinking age."

Brenda rolled her eyes but hid a smile. She'd never let him know that sometimes his antics amused her. It didn't do to encourage infantile misanthropes. She rushed through the post clinic check up and only faltered at the last question.

"All patients content and charted away?"

House blinked at her. "Sure." He said after a moment.

Brenda narrowed her eyes. She was pretty dam sure the bastard was lying but…if she called him on it that meant she had to suffer his presence a while longer. Her finger hovered over the keyboard a long moment and he held her gaze comfortably with the ease of a practiced liar.

"Okay then." Brenda made her decision and finished clocking the infernal man out.

"Am I free."

"I don't want to see you for at least another two weeks."

"Alas, if only all our partings could be extended so." House lamented hand on heart and Brenda's parting gift was to throw a red lollipop at him.

"Get!"

**$inister $cribe**

"I am _so_ sorry, Mrs Hallowell." Cuddy repeated for what felt like the hundredth time. "Had I known you were here I would have come to the clinic myself." Translation; she wouldn't have let House anywhere near the sweet old lady.

Mrs Hallowell waved a hand as if to dismiss it. "That's perfectly all right, dear. But the young man does need to be taught some manners."

Cuddy's bit back a smirk at exactly how she'd like to go about doing that. Judicious application of his cane to his cranium might finally succeed in beating some sense into him…or fitting him with an electro-shock collar might have benefits. They could have a public button. Insert a quarter and zap a bastard. Brilliant. Get some discipline in there, boost morale and raise money for the hospital. Why had she never thought of this before.

Oops, Mrs Hallowell was talking again.

"You just call him in here to apologise and I'll be on my way." Mrs Hallowell beamed at Cuddy. She was an aged woman somewhere between eighty and prehistoric but still filled with the vigour of life, judging by the way she'd been half treated for a strained muscle by House. A strained muscle produced by slightly overzealous marathon training.

"Ah…about that." Cuddy pondered how exactly to phrase this. Mrs Hallowell tilted her head, her steel coloured bun glinting in the late afternoon light. The wind buffeted outside and red leaves spiralled this way and that. The janitor battled with last week's Halloween decorations and wrestled them inside the storage boxes before carting them inside. "Dr House is…no longer with us."

"He's dead?"

"HAH!" Cuddy clapped a hand over her mouth and shook her head rapidly. "No, ahem, it would solve a lot of my problems, but no. I simply meant he's on vacation. He left this afternoon." Her voice lowered a dangerous note in irritation. "Before he'd finished treating you, apparently."

"Well, that is unfortunate. Perhaps you could call him on his cell phone? Everybody seems to have on these days. I'll take an apology over the phone." Mrs Hallowell offered and Cuddy was entirely inclined to try. The woman reminded her somewhat of a cross between her grandmother and Malifecent from _Sleeping Beauty_ there was a cold kind of beauty in the older woman's face and something a trifle…otherworldly. Those green eyes lanced Cuddy's and her hand was on the phone before she'd fully registered what she was doing. She was dialling the number from memory and holding the handset to her ear without ever breaking eye contact with the compelling woman across her desk.

Mrs Hallowell blinked and looked away. Cuddy felt as if cold water had just been sloshed over her and she shook her head against the feeling. Focusing on the grounding sound of the phone ringing on the other end. It clicked through to the answering service after a few moments and Cuddy let the handset hang in her hand uselessly.

"No answer." She murmured and Mrs Hallowell turned back to her with those same green eyes lancing her in a gimlet stare.

"Then you can just give me the address, dear, and I shall collect on my own."

"Giving out employee information is against hospital reg…" Cuddy found herself entranced by Mrs Hallowell's gaze. She could neither look away nor resist it. She was telling the aged woman House's address without conscious thought. The details emblazoned on her brain from the many times she had contemplated going around the tiny apartment with the express reason of kicking some sense into the man. Mrs Hallowell smiled and rose to her feet. Cuddy stood too and shook her hand. "Good to see you, Mrs Hallowell." Cuddy murmured.

"Lovely to see you too, dear." Mrs Hallowell turned with a swish of her skirts and left the office. Cuddy sat as she watched her go. She blinked rapidly as if finally coming back to herself and looked about her office.

She put a hand to her temple and winced. She had a blinding headache. What had she been doing? Had she been in a meeting. Cuddy stared about her desk for inspiration and came up empty. She looked at her watch and shot to her feet. She had a meeting to be at as of five minutes ago, and it wasn't like she could blame it on House because he was no longer in the hospital for the next two weeks of, what would no doubt be, monotonous quiet.

Cuddy stilled, her hand on the door, something about House. Had she just been thinking about him? Had she been meaning to call him about some last minute thing?

Cuddy rolled her eyes at herself. The better question would be when was she _not_ thinking of House? The man seemed to be on her mind twenty four seven. She scowled at that thought and threw the door open. She was going to her meeting and she wasn't going to give Gregory-damn-House another thought for the next fortnight.

**$inister $cribe**

House looked up in surprise when a knock sounded at the door. It couldn't have been Wilson, Wilson had just left. It wouldn't be his regular woman from the, ahem, agency because it wasn't Thursday and he'd cancelled for the next two weeks and it wouldn't be anyone else that he could think of because no one else would think to trot around and wish him well on his journey.

Especially considering he might need it since even he didn't know where he was going but the car was loaded up and, for once in his life, he was just going to get on the road and see where it took him. He didn't feel like being particularly sociable today anyway.

"Go away!" He yelled at the door. Maybe it was just some Jehovah's Witness come to make his life a misery.

The knock sounded again. Okay, so it was an _insistent _Jehovah's Witness that was on the other side of the door. House resolved to open the door and give them the glare of doom and send them on their way. He wasn't in the mood. He threw open the door, a blistering insult on his lips to send whoever it was scurrying…and promptly swallowed it when what looked to be a nine hundred year old woman strode past him and into his apartment.

"Dr House, so nice to be seeing you again."

She was old but, judging by the way she moved, she could probably outrun him. Not that it would be difficult, but at nine hundred and change, he liked to think that even he was a little spryer than that.

"Whatever you're buying, or selling, I'm not. So get." House gestured to the door and the woman smiled, a steely glint in her jade eyes.

"No, I don't think so, Gregory."

House blinked at the shiver that went through him at the use of his name. He narrowed his eyes at her and looked her over checking for a weapon. One did not get shot in one's own office without becoming at least a little paranoid. But the old lady had nothing but a huge leather bag slung over her dark sweeping clothes and a faintly cold smile gracing her lined mouth.

"Alright then, I'll play, what do you want?"

"An apology."

House frowned and then shrugged. "Sorry." He looked at her and then the door. "Well?"

She stepped closer to him and met his gaze fiercely. "A _sincere_ apology."

House hissed as if caught out. "Damn. Fresh out of those."

The woman arched a steely brow. "I've met dogs with better manners than you, boy."

"Actually, dogs have impeccable manners, it's the cats that you've really got to watch for. Cat's are even more dismissive than I am." He smirked at her and then she slowly smiled back. A criminals grin if ever there was.

"That is true, dogs at least know the lesson of humility." She glanced around the apartment with a raking disapproving glance. "And affection."

House snorted, where the hell was this going?

"Perhaps you would be better suited to life as a dog. At least until you _learn_." The woman noted absently and House rolled his eyes.

"Listen, lady, I don't…" House trailed off his eyes going wide when her hand landed on his chest and a shock like a set of defibrillator paddles on full charge went clean through his body and passed out the other side. House shot backwards, the charge causing every muscle in his body to spasm simultaneously. He crashed into the couch and sent the entire leather confection smashing backwards with a colossal thump.

Ethel Hallowell dusted her hands off carefully and stalked to the couch, looking down at the mortal man she's just seen fit to educate. She smirked when the handiwork of that particular spell was revealed.

A huge dog was sprawled on its side behind the couch. It was massive with the ranging build of a hound but of no recognisable breed. Its ears were flopped loosely over its eyes and a thick ebony pelt of shaggy fur covered slim ribs that rose and fell steadily. The hound was nearly completely black but with silvery streaks through the raven. White splashed his mouth and chest, his paws as if he'd dipped them in paint and a lightening score up his right hind leg.

Ethel smirked and wondered if he might like to play fetch with his cane when he awoke.

Then she turned and strode out of the apartment never to be seen again.


	2. Chapter 2: Adopted

**Chapter two, fairly self explanatory. House rescues Cuddy and vice cersa. What more do you want?**

**Review me. **

**Chapter 2: Adopted**

House could only stare at himself in the mirror.

He was…a dog.

Well, the ladies had called him a hound in college but…this was the full four legs, tail and furry disposition thing going on here. This couldn't be real. He had to be having some kind of bad batch of vicodin trip here. Not actually of the canine persuasion. That wouldn't be right. Not to mention impossible.

He limped closer to the mirror to have a better look. His vision was slightly washed out in sepia tones. Not completely colourless but greens and reds appeared to be blending together slightly. He knew he wasn't colour-blind so…that left the option that something was wrong with his eyes or…he really was this great lanky husky-ish hound that was looking back at him from the mirror.

House concentrated and lifted a hand…erm, paw. He did this with each in turn. Sidled around to look at his profile and tried to gauge his size using his new perspective on the world to get a handle on things.

Okay, so let's assume for one wild moment that it was possible and he was actually a member of the Canis family.

He didn't appear to be any breed that he recognised. The huge and ranging build of a deer hound but of a heavier sturdier build. Definitely stronger. His face was long and faintly wolfish, his ears stood up but flopped slightly at the tips and his fur was thick and shaggy, a deep brown/black colour streaked with grey. He had a splash of white lightening over his hind leg that corresponded with the scar that was…had been, on his human leg. He was big, his mass obviously hadn't changed. His eyes hadn't changed either, still a bright piercing blue that was unusual for dogs, even House knew. His paws were large, but graceful, his legs long. He'd bet that he could run pretty fast if he got outside.

House sat and frowned at his reflection. He had woken up like this and he couldn't remember what he had been doing before hand. He tried to think of something scientific that could have happened to him to cause…this hallucination, but he couldn't. Maybe that was a symptom.

He wanted a vicodin. It took him a moment to realise that he didn't actually _need_ one, he just wanted one. The pain in his…hind leg, wasn't gone by any means but his doggy brain just wasn't overly occupied with it. He seemed to accept the pain as part of his life and just get on with it. It occurred to House, in that moment, that he spent an awful lot of time moaning about something that he, not only couldn't change, but had greatly brought upon himself. He should have just cut off the damn leg…oh well, swings and roundabouts. His ears swivelled downward in a dog scowl and he found that disturbing so stopped.

On the bright side, even as a dog, he did look handsome. His huge jaws gaped and his long pink tongue lolled in a doggy grin which promptly disappeared when something extra thumped against the floor and scared him into a wild leap and a yelp. He whirled and looked around for what had slapped him…and found himself staring at the long swish of his tail.

Oh…right. Well, _that_ was a mind-bender. He felt like he had an extra limb here. He snorted and moved for the door. Limping slightly but with distinctly more ease than he had as a biped. Three good legs out of four was definitely better than one out of two. House managed a jaunty trot down the hallway to the living room and then pondered what to do. Moving with four legs was actually quite easy. A lot sturdier than two. Fair enough, he couldn't handle corners or walk backwards as easily, but that was a fair trade off he supposed.

He realised couldn't stay here in his current state. He was alone and all the food and the drink in the apartment had the requirement of an opposable thumb to open it. Assuming he was really a dog and stuck as one for the time being then he was going to have to find someone to look after him. A dog was very much a second class citizen in this world. The pets were pampered beyond belief but strays were sent to the pound and taken for the long final walk after only a week or so. House didn't appreciate his chances of being adopted. He may look like a dog but he was still the same misanthrope inside. He hadn't lost any of his human faculties thank you very much.

He snorted and considered his options.

His team were out of the question. They were all idiots and would probably neglect him to the point of starvation…either that or Cameron would smother him and dress him up in pink sweaters or something equally as nauseating. He shook his head on a grunt and limped up and down the living room, his claws clacking against the floor.

His senses were amazing, he noted absently. He could hear conversations pitch perfect in the surrounding apartments. He could feel changes in air pressure on his fur. Taste the rain in the air outside and smell…he could smell something fantastic. His muzzle dropped to the floor of its own accord and he sniffed and snuffled around looking for the source. His nose lead him around the wreck of the couch to…his jacket…no his jacket pocket. House stuffed his face into the pocket and closed his teeth over the item. After some judicious wriggling and quite a bit of drool (he was never going to take his hands for granted ever again) he managed to work…an envelope out of his pocket. He dropped it and snuffled his nose right up against it inhaling…Cuddy.

Her smell was all over it.

Perfect. Cuddy would take him in. She liked dogs. She was sensible, wouldn't starve him and wouldn't put clothes on his doggy body. Perfect. He turned and wagged his tail, tongue lolling while grinning at the front door.

Okay, now, how did he open the damn thing without thumbs?

**$inister $cribe**

Cuddy sighed and rubbed at the back of her neck as she clicked her way across the basement car park towards her lone Lexus sitting looking lonesome under the harsh fluorescent lighting. She rummaged and pulled her keys from her briefcase, the car alarm pipped and she was already beginning to mentally unwind from the stressful day she'd been subjected to. Her head was pounding in a way it hadn't done since House had last destroyed an MRI and she massaged her temple in the vain hope that it might stop. She just wanted to go home, relax, take a couple of aspirin and a bottle of wine and marinate in a bath until she was as wrinkled as a prune and in no danger of waking from the bed she planned on throwing herself into straight afterwards.

She knew that was probably a lofty pipe dream. She planned every Friday night to sleep in the following Saturday morning but life had this nasty habit of needing her in the hospital before nine every – freaking - weekend.

She slipped the key into the lock of her car and threw the door open in an irritated movement. Mentally promising herself to ignore her cell tomorrow, knowing even as she did that she never would, and throwing her case over onto the passenger seat before she heard the voice right behind her.

"Dr Cuddy."

Cuddy whirled, hand going to her heart. It pounded under her fingertips and she stared at the man who was really standing far too close to her.

"Mr Abrahams, can I help you?" She pressed herself back against her car. She couldn't say why, but the man made her uncomfortable. His eyes were an icy cold colour that bored into her and made her swallow hard now. If it hadn't been for the fact that the hospital needed the money his father could provide, she'd have had nothing to do with him.

"Dangerous a little, is it not?" He spoke instead. Cuddy frowned at him, not quite understanding. He stepped closer, barely three inches but it was miles closer than she wanted him to be. Abrahams reminded her of those pictures you saw of serial killers on the news. You looked into their eyes and knew they were rotten to the core.

"An attractive woman, out on her own, alone. This late at night." He had an oddly staccato way of speaking that went against her nerves.

She forced a shrug and a shaky smile to belie the cold heavy fear low in her stomach. "Car lot's well lit, security's good. I don't have anything to be afraid of." She wanted to run, to turn and leap into her car and drive away. Cuddy was not, by nature, a nervous woman but this man kicked in her fight or flight responses and she was very nearly panicking. He lent forward, his hands resting on the cool metal on either side of her shoulders. She could see the intent in those cold dead eyes and knew right then there was every possibility that this was going to end badly for her.

He was twice her size, she was alone and security was nowhere near as good as she had made it out to be.

"Are you sure?"

Cuddy wanted, with everything she had, for someone to interrupt. To walk into the car lot to pick up their car and save her from this man. The lot was empty though, she was on her own, she'd have to save herself. She straightened, her jaw hardening and steel casting her spine in a rigid line.

"I'd like you to step back, Mr Abrahams." Her voice was sure, steady. Not a hint of the fear that was rattling through her veins showed in her tone.

A flicker of surprise went through him. He hadn't expected her to show defiance. He'd wanted her to roll over and do his bidding without protest apparently. Well, he had another think coming. This may have been a horrible situation that she had suddenly found herself in but she'd be damned if he was going to come out of it any better than she was.

"Step back, Mr Abrahams, you're making me uncomfortable." She tried to pull back as he lent forward but there was nowhere to go, Cuddy had the distinct feeling that she wouldn't be able to talk her way out of this.

_RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…._

Both Cuddy and Abrahams turned to look for the source of the echoing rumble of sound and their eyes landed on the biggest dog Cuddy had ever seen. He was huge, black and snarling. His blue eyes shone in the harsh fluorescent lighting overhead and Cuddy had a split second to wonder if things were about to change for the better or worse because of this new development until she realised that all of the dog's angered intention was focused solely on Abrahams.

The dog prowled forward, limping Cuddy noted absently, and kept all that formidable attention focused on Abrahams. The growl intensified, lips pulling back over huge white fangs. Whoever the dog was, he definitely did not like Abrahams. Cuddy was in full agreement there and used Abraham's distraction to sidle away from him, ducking out from under his arm and sidling around the car towards the driver's side.

Abrahams tore his gaze away from the dog in time to reach after her, intending to grab her arm.

"Hey, we're not done…argh!"

The dog leapt with a boom of sound that took Cuddy a moment to realise was a bark from deep within his chest. Massive jaws clamped down on Abrahams arm and savaged his suit jacket. Snarls and screams echoed through the air and Abrahams fell screaming to the ground, crushed under the weight of the huge dog.

Almost as quickly as he had attacked, the dog released Abrahams. The man staggered to his feet and staggered away, the snapping snarls of the dog helping him hurry on his way when he turned to look back at Cuddy. The dog chased him for a few loping strides and then let Abrahams sprint away without further mauling. The dog barked once to let his displeasure and then snorted as if to say good riddance to bad rubbish.

Cuddy could only stare.

The dog turned back to her and seemed to be…grinning. His ears tilted in her direction and his tail swished slowly back and forward. He uffed softly to her and Cuddy swung her car door open, nearly falling inside into the plush leather seat. The realisation of how close she had come to…she couldn't even finish the thought. If that dog hadn't come along when he had…she lent forward, burying her hands in her hair and shook silently.

She was dimly aware of claws clicking in a slightly uneven gait across the concrete and only looked up when a cool damp nose nuzzled one of her hands.

"God, you're filthy." Cuddy told him on a shaky smile and petted his ears. He grumbled at the slight but then wagged his tail when her ears scratching intensified. She had always loved dogs and this one was lanky and scruffy and kind of cute. He reminded her of the huge black dog in the third Harry Potter film. Watching that with her niece and nephew had been an education. Apparently you hadn't lived until you'd read the third book, but the resemblance between the CGI dog and this one was quite uncanny. He was older, grey streaking his coat and a blaze of white on his back leg but still scruffily handsome.

Cuddy sniffed, valiantly not crying even if the after shocks from the adrenaline wanted her to, and buried her fingers in his grimy coat. He smelled and looked like he had been crawling through the garbage.

"Where did you come from, hmm?" She dipped forward and let her forehead rest against his. It was totally insane, but the dog seemed familiar to her somehow. "Who do you belong to?" He was too friendly to be a stray. To comfortable around people but his neck was without collar and there was no license to be found on him. He looked grubby and in need of a bath. Surely whoever had bought him didn't look after him very well if he had gotten into this state.

He nuzzled her hands insistently. Arching up into her touch and wagging his tail. He uffed softly at her and licked her face until she was laughing.

"Stop it!" She laughed. She pushed his face away. "Annoying mutt. Save me and then drool over me…muck up my suit too, hmm." She looked down at the grubby stains over her expensive dry clean only suit.

His response was to sneeze on her.

"Oh, charming." She scrubbed ineffectually at her skirt and glared at him. His tongue lolled and he sat down to let his tail thump against the ground in a recalcitrant doggy grin. "You know, I know an annoying doctor like you."

Another canine snuff in reply. Sounded like he was laughing at her.

"I should call you House Two." Cuddy petted his ears and rose to her feet. She planted her hands on her hips and looked down at him. He panted, tongue lolling and still grinning inanely up at her. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Hey, there he is! There's that mutt!"

The dog's ears flattened against his skull and his tail slunk between his legs. His blue eyes were wide when he looked around to see two men in animal control uniforms crossing the car lot towards them. He turned to look back up at Cuddy and whined plaintively.

Cuddy stared back down at him for a long moment. She was torn. She didn't have time for a dog. Never mind room enough for one of this size. It wouldn't be fair to him to be left alone while she was at work all day.

"Ma'am, please let us deal with the animal. He's without license and he needs to be taken to the pound. He could be dangerous. Just back away from him." One of the dogcatchers spoke to her and tightened his grip on one of those garrotte poles that they always carried around. Cuddy could never stand the sight of those things and, looking down at those big blue eyes of the scruffy hound's…

"It's alright, he's my dog. He must've gotten out and lost his license." Now she looked down at the offending animal and scowled at him. "Again." She looked back to the dogcatchers and smiled apologetically. "He's always doing this. I keep trying to train him but his main problem is that he's stupid." Cuddy laughed to cover the huge growl from within the dog's throat. Note to self, Cuddy thought, don't insult the dog.

"You sure he's your dog?" One of the catchers looked askance at her. "He's a bit big for…" The man evidently realised how much trouble that sentence was going to land him in and decided to change it. "Your car."

"He fits in the back." Cuddy threw a blanket she retrieved from the trunk to cover her just detailed cream leather car seats. The dog leapt up and curled in the back of the car. "Just." She amended and shut the door, waiting until the hound had curled his tail up to prevent it from being snapped shut in the door.

Cuddy waved the dogcatchers off and finally got into her car. A huge wolfish head slipped through the gap between the front seats and rested against her shoulder. He rumbled deep in his chest in a vaguely gratified way and Cuddy scowled at him a moment before smirking and forgiving him with ear scratches.

"Fine, you can stay until I can find a new home for you." She petted his nose. "But you need a bath." She pushed his face away and wrinkled her nose against his stink. "A long one."


	3. Chapter 3: Did I Just Do Something Weird

_**Just a quick chapter that I blerghed out for ya. Completely unbetaed but I figured you deserved a little something from me since I've been quiet this week. This is what happens when you're panicking about assessments and tutorials. **_

_**But college is over for Christmas now (woot!!) and I shall be able to devote summore time to writing if my arms ever stop going numb. **_

_**Review me, I need it, it's been that kind of day. **_

**Chapter 3: Did I Just Do Something Weird?**

House sat in the back of the car and steadfastly refused to stick his head out the window like some common mutt. He was feeling a bit wounded in the pride arena and didn't need to take anymore beatings thank you very much. Cuddy turned up the volume of the radio and drummed her fingers against the steering wheel in tempo with _Aerosmith's _'Pink'. House snorted, at least her taste in music was an improvement over the rest of the day he'd had.

It had finally dawned on him, upon having to break his way out of his own apartment via the bathroom window, that he really was a dog. This was not a hallucination and he was not suddenly going to wake up with thumbs again, that he was unable to tell those nice officers of animal control that he was just a man trapped in a dog's body and the reason he stank of garbage was because the dumpster had provided a safe landing spot out of his bathroom window…they hadn't been in the listening mood. He couldn't open jars, doors or windows, he couldn't walk on two legs (that wasn't really anything new but still) he couldn't even _talk _and…he couldn't get into his vicodin stash anytime soon either.

House was overcome with the sudden urge to lick his scar and resisted that too. The pain was bad but it was manageable like some part of his brain had just told the pain to shut up and accepted that it was part of his life. House supposed that was fair enough, animals had to be in absolute agony to even cry out and if it lasted long enough…they just learned to deal.

Speaking of urges…he was getting a lot of insane urges tonight.

Like wanting to please Cuddy. Wanting to protect her and cuddle up to her just so she'd smile at him and pet his ears (which felt _fantastic_ by the way). She smelled gorgeous, so much so that he wanted to lap her up and that…grrr, pawing at her had been the last straw.

Cuddy was _his._

House shook his long face and snorted. Stupid instincts. They were so loud in his head. He'd never realised how few humans actually had until that night when he'd seen that louse of a guy sidling up to Cuddy, smelled her fear, smelled the guy's arousal. House's ears swivelled flat against his skull and he licked his lips, still tasting the guy's blood there. You couldn't tell to look, but inside he was smiling. He should have maimed the guy a little more before letting him go.

Ah well, it was over now, Cuddy was safe and he was going home with her. He'd make sure she didn't get hurt by anymore idiots.

House settled down in the back seat, the woman really needed to get a bigger car, and rested his head on his paws…hold the phone!

Since when did he want to protect Cuddy?!

House grumbled to himself and put his head back down on his paws with a long suffering sigh. He'd really been turned into a dog. Dogs were loyal, dogs were protective and sappy and kind and stupid and all that bullshit…jeez, why couldn't he have been turned into a cat? At least then he would have that whole back alley tom thing going for him. Now he was just Scruff the Wonder Mutt.

The car rumbled to a halt and Cuddy stepped out, turning easily and opening the door for him to fumble out as well. He hit the ground awkwardly and a surprising slice of pain lashed his leg. He'd let out a yelp before he knew what had happened and Cuddy was immediately all over him.

"Oh, you hurt yourself? Let me see." House wanted to growl in protest but her hands were on him again, stroking his icky fur, apparently not minding the stains and he fell silent before he'd even issued a sound. She explored the white blaze of fur over the scar on his leg carefully. "Need to get that checked out, buddy." She straightened and House was left bereft of her heat arching over him. He followed after her dutifully. Grumbling at her until she remembered to lock the car. She rummaged in her purse and House sat facing the street until she unlocked the door and let them both inside.

House padded into the house in front of her and let his nose drop to the ground to smell for anything that shouldn't be here. He knew this was being voluntarily protective but he dismissed it as the stresses of switching species and saving a damsel in distress all in one night. That would challenge anybody's character. The house came up clean and passed the nose test so House turned and waited for her to finish rifling through her bills. He looked longingly at the sofa and approached it to jump up to stretch out when…

"Oooohh no." A hand gripped the thick ruff of fur at his neck and yanked him back down to the carpet. "That's an antique couch and you're not going anywhere near it until you've had a bath." Cuddy told him on no uncertain terms and shuffled him out of the living room with a shove at his tail with her bare foot. House, alarmed at the stern attitude in her voice, was chased through to her bedroom and into the sandalwood scented bathroom. His paws lost all purchase on the slick tile and he skidded to an ungainly halt, bumping into the bath. "Come on, in." Cuddy's tone brooked no argument and she had him half into the bath before he'd even processed what was going on.

He grumbled at her. He had no intention of being washed like some child in too strong smelling water by some…she was taking off her clothes.

House sat up a little straighter and looked hard. Yep, definitely stripping down to her underwear there.

"Don't give me that look." She told him and House felt like his eyes were going to pop out of his doggy skull. "My suit is filthy, thanks to you, and I've no intention of letting you get my house into the same state, you big scruff."

She stuffed her suit jacket into a plastic garbage bag, the skirt followed and she experimentally sniffed the shirt before tossing that as well. Her stockings, one of them ripped, went into the trash too and House realised he was panting slightly, jaws gaping so he could taste her scent as well as smell her.

"That name fits you pretty well, hmm?" She crossed to the bath and switched on the shower head. Warm water splattered down into the tub and Cuddy's hand trailed back and forth under the spray to test the temperature. She turned it down a few notches and rubbed his ears for him. "Big Scruff…or just Scruff?" House grumbled and his tail thumped against the sides of the bath. She could call him Mother Shebubu so long as she kept up with the ear scrunching.

"I think Scruff, because I'm not shouting 'BS' out the back door to call you in for dinner." House chuffed at that and she grinned at him, having no idea how good she looked in just her red lingerie. When House was back to his bipedal self he was buying her a new set every week. He didn't care if he never got to see it, the woman should always be in finery as far as he was concerned.

She pulled the shower head down, her breasts brushing up against his flank as she did so and House tried to think non-bestial thoughts. He'd had half a chance as a human, now he was a dog…he really didn't think Cuddy swung that way.

Hot water hit his back and House arched under it in surprise. Oh, that felt _good._

"You like that, huh?" She scrubbed her hands through his fur, methodically soaking him from nose to tail and then she replaced the showerhead back in its bracket and rummaged through the cupboards. The water was beginning to fill the tub and House splashed experimentally, she was wet down her front. He could see the water glistening on her skin and his tail swished in intrigue. "Soap, soap, soap…here we are, all natural hypoallergenic…stuff." Cuddy waggled the bottle at him and he snorted. Probably smelled of roses or something equally as emasculating. "Sandalwood Good for you. Even dogs." She scanned the back of the bottle and House nuzzled her stomach with his nose, causing her to laugh, just because he could. She crouched down to eye level with him and did that fabulous thing with her hands and his ears again. "At least I think it's good on dogs."

She squeezed a cool line of the jelly stuff along his spine and began to lather it in. House rumbled in pleasure and even allowed her to wet his ears a bit to wash the crud off them too, though she was careful to keep any suds out of his eyes. He opened those same blue orbs to regard her thoughtfully. She was bent to her task, completely uninhibited despite her lack of dress but then, he was a dog wasn't he? Why would she feel anything but relaxed around him?

House heaved a gusty sigh. Frustrated. He wanted to touch her. Not with paws and wet nose, but with hands and human mouth. He wanted to kiss her and lick every inch of her. He wanted to show her what he felt, just for once, he'd like to be a little honest with her.

Now, how the hell did he go about doing that?

**$inister $cribe**

Cuddy could almost laugh at the expression on the dog's face. He seemed so deep in thought at that moment. His ears twitched slightly, dripping water down on an eyebrow that he shook of with an absent jerk of his head. He really was a handsome animal, somewhere between husky and hound she thought. He'd have to be with those bright blue eyes of his. Eyes that had been absolutely livid when he had focused them on Abrahams. Cuddy shivered at the memory and unconsciously sidled closer to her impromptu protector.

That could have gone very badly in the parking lot earlier tonight. If Scruff hadn't happened along when he had…Cuddy shook herself and blinked back the sudden sting at the back of her eyes. She hadn't really had time to process it yet. She had been absolutely terrified. She buried her fingers in the thick ruff of fur at his neck and petted his head in the way he appeared to like.

"You saved me, hmm? Big fuzzy guardian angel." She dropped a kiss on his nose and laughed at his perplexed expression. She reached up to put the showerhead back in the bracket, he was all rinsed now. By the time she looked back, however, those blue eyes were looking right into hers.

From a very human, very familiar face.

"Sheezus!"

Cuddy jerked back instinctively and slipped to the floor, her head clattered against the tile and she cursed, clutching the back of her skull in one hand. Goddamnit that had hurt, stars whirled in front of her eyes and Cuddy blinked rapidly to see past them to the tub.

Yeah, that was definitely House sitting in there with…dog ears poking out of his scruffy dark hair.

Cuddy groaned and let her head rest back against the floor. "This is stress induced." She told herself. "You had a traumatic experience and now you're hallucinating. Diagnosticians do not turn into dogs."

Then why could she remember the feel of his skin smooth under her hand? Why did those blue eyes on Scruff match another blue pair of eyes that she knew so well?

Why was she even questioning this? It was completely illogical.

Cuddy looked up again and found Scruff, the _dog_, slinking out of the tub with a slop of water. He limped over to her and stood over her prone form. His head tilted and his ears perked in question. He whined softly and Cuddy reached up to pet his cheek.

"No problem, boy I just…thought you were someone else." Why was she talking to him like he could understand her?

His jaws parted in a doggy grin and he let his long pink tongue loll. He was laughing at her. she was almost certain of it.

"Don't know why I'd be thinking of _him_ anyway." She told him and levered herself into a sitting position. She rubbed at the back of her head. That was going to hurt in the morning. Hell, it was hurting now. Scruff nuzzled her hair helpfully and succeeded in dripping cool water all over her. "I mean, he's gone for two weeks and I'm glad of it –come here till I dry you – it's not like I miss him. He's a pain in the ass. Never does anything to help the damn hospital (stop squirming) aside from save his one patient a week…if I'm lucky." She dropped the towel over Scruff's long back so it covered him from nose to rump and scrubbed him hard to dry him. He seemed to enjoy it. "Should have fired him years ago." She grumbled and Scruff wriggled until his head was free from under the towel. He turned to look at her and arched a doggy brow.

"Don't look at me like that!" She defended herself and moved on to carefully drying his legs and tail. She was going to have to use her hairdryer on him. No way was he roaming her house damp. "If I'd fired him years ago then he would have overdosed on pain meds or…been killed by an irate patient or something…"

Cuddy trailed off and let the towel slide to the floor. "Not that either of those things haven't happened while he's been hired with me…" She sighed, that was a broken record. Trying to figure out House or why he continued to hurt himself. She twisted the towel in her lap and didn't notice the way Scruff's ears drooped a little. He leant over and nuzzled her neck, bringing her back to the real world.

"You don't understand either, huh?" She scratched his ears and grinned, twisting her face away when he licked her cheek in a wet doggy kiss. "Why someone would do that, to themselves and the people that care about him?" Her gaze turned inward for a long moment and she stroked his damp fur in a trancelike fashion. Then suddenly she shook herself out of it and grinned at him. "I suppose he just doesn't realise that some people care about him whether he likes it or not." She tapped his nose with a finger and then scrambled up to her feet.

"Now let's get you dried and then we can eat." She stretched and rummaged for sweat pants in her drawers. Yanking out a zip up top and baggy pants, pulling them on and then unspooling the cord from around her hairdryer. Scruff eyed her from the en suite bathroom doorway warily with the huge cannon of a hairdryer she held in her hand. She plugged it in.

"Come on." She coaxed him. "You'll like it."

He snorted at her and she wondered why she was negotiating with him like he could understand her…probably because that look he was currently giving her screamed 'yeah right' pretty damn loudly. That and he was bigger than she was and wasn't doing anything he didn't want to do.

"I'll order takeout for dinner." She bargained and his tail lifted slightly. Takeout was obviously something he was familiar with. "Chinese?" A hesitant step forward. Progress. "With egg rolls? Prawn toast and…spicy beef?"

Scruff was won over at prawn toast and trotted over with his uneven gait to stand next to her. She petted him fondly and switched on the dryer to the lowest setting so as not to spook him. He still glared at it as if the piece of technology was going out of its way to offend him on every lever, but apparently the promise of egg rolls was enough to keep him in place. Cuddy smiled again and stroked a hand along his spine. He arched to the contact like a cat.

"Good boy."

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House stood on his hind legs at the end of her bed, his forepaws hooked over the wrought iron bed frame and his head tilted to the side. His tail swished back and forth in thought and his keen night vision and he picked up every detail of her sleeping form.

Good news was, he wasn't stuck permanently as a dog.

Bad news; he couldn't quite put his finger on how he had managed to change back and why it had only lasted for a few seconds.

Fair enough, the shock of suddenly finding himself _not_ a dog anymore had been…well shocking. Cuddy had displayed a fairly violent reaction to it as well, so at least he knew that it wasn't all in his head. Wishful thinking and all that. He dropped down to all fours and paced back and forth at the end of the bed trying to puzzle this out. He tried to look at the facts, though that was becoming increasingly difficult with the knowledge that Cuddy liked to wear hardly anything to bed. He knew she liked silky nothings but, Jesus, some of those should be illegal. Watching her change had been torture itself. Who knew that she liked to wander about half naked, doing other things between clothes switches?

House thought back to the bathroom. He had been wondering how he could get closer to her and she had been talking to him. It was nice to see her smile, unguarded, to just be herself around him instead of constantly looking for whatever barb he had embedded in what he was saying. House caught sight of himself in the full length mirror in her room and sat down on his haunches to more carefully scrutinise his reflection.

He had done it once before. Stood to reason he could do it again.

Oh to have hands again, to have mouth he could kiss with, whisper dirty things in her ear with. House inhaled deeply and looked over to the bed, he could just make out the curving form of her under the duvet.

Damn, he wanted.

He wanted to lap her up. To taste her all over. He wanted to stroke her. She had been stroking him all night, after all. To return the favour was only fair. He wanted to feed her from his palm, like she had. He wanted to inhale her until they were almost the same being. He wanted to know her inside and out. Find out what made her tick. Keep her smiling forever. Keep her safe.

Keep her his.

House knew this was odd. Knew that this was the dog part of his brain rising to the fore but that knowledge did nothing to stem the feelings rising thick and fast in his chest. his tail swished over the carpet and he shifted uncomfortably, the carpet was rough against his knees.

House frowned, his knees…

Looking down, it was all he could do to stifle a whoop of excitement. He lurched to his feet and looked back to the mirror patting his hands over his chest, naked of fur. His human hands, human chest, human legs, feet and…yeah that was a dog's tail but he could live with that for now. He frowned at the twitching ears on top of his head and reached up to tweak them with his fingers. They were the same as when he was a dog. Mostly upright except for the flopped over tips. House quickly decided that ears were an easy trade off for thumbs.

A soft sound reached his dog ears and he turned to look at the soft woman shape shifting on the bed. A wolfish grin lit his lips and he didn't notice the slight lengthening of his canine teeth into almost fangs. His eyes gleamed and he licked his lips. He padded across the carpet, his eyes fixed on his target and crawled up onto the bed, hands and knees straddling her sleeping form.

He tilted his head to the side, his ears perked and grinned.

This was going to be good.


	4. Chapter 4: Atypical

**Okies, I know i haven't written anything in aaaaaages, but i hope this was worth the wait. This was very difficult to get right at the start, i felt like i'd kind of written myself into a corner with the end of the last chapter. A lot of things aren't going right lately and it seems to be the same for my writing as well. Then there was the computer mind-wipe and i lost all my fanfictions, future, past and present, so that knocked the wind out of me sort of. **

**So, i've been up for about twenty four and a bit hours now and i just had to kick myself into writing this in about forty minutes or so. All done in the one go so i don't know how good the quality is, i hope i can be forgiven the odd mistook here and there. **

**Also, if anyone has any copies of my Harry Potter fictions (a long shot here i know) i would greatly appreciate them being emailed back to me as the only fics and pics i have now are the ones that had already been posted before the Great Wipe of '08. **

**Thanks muchly. **

**Prank 2 Far, House Breaking and all your other favourites will be updated as soon as i can manage it. As always, lovely reviews get those lovely creative juices flowing. **

**Chapter 4: Atypical **

Cuddy squirmed in her sleep and dreamed good dreams.

She was dreaming of hot kisses in secret places and warm hands on soft skin. It had been so long since she'd had a good erotic dream. Complete fantasy that allowed her anything and everything she wanted. Sure, she'd wake up wanting in the morning, but that was what B.O.B.s were for. A soft smile tugged her full mouth and she arched, baring her throat to her phantom lover's mouth.

Oh Lord, did he know how to use it.

His hands spanned her thighs, pulling them apart, stroking, easing, teasing her mercilessly. She could feel the weight of him hovering just above her. She wanted him closer. Wanted his skin against hers. She wanted his hands in her hair. She wanted her tongue in his mouth. She wanted his cock deep and hard inside her.

She just wanted.

His teeth nipped sharp but soft up over her neck. He nibbled her jaw, suckled her ear lobe, chuckling husky there when she mewled for more. Then soft little licks tracing the shape of her jawline, he dropped a kiss on her chin and then finally took her mouth. Cuddy just about came from the kiss alone. He lowered his body flush against hers, her nightdress riding up over her hips and the hot brand of his cock sliding against her wet folds. She squirmed and moaned, desperate for more. His long fingers speared through her hair, angling her head to his liking. His tongue slid against hers, dominating her mouth, taking what he wanted and giving her everything for it. He tasted of...musk, something cool but with a spice under that. Something she wanted more of.

She cupped his cheek and was faintly surprised to feel the rasp of stubble there. Usually her dream lovers were the clean shaven all muscles no brains type. This long, lean wolf of a man was not the norm. In fact...it was a little too much like real life.

His hands spreading her thighs distracted her. His lifting her leg and hooking it over his wide shoulder had her eyes fluttering open to frown up at his shadow looming over her. There was something wrong with this picture, something off about his silhouette. He shifted over her, his red hot erection sliding over her, making her gasp, and she saw why.

She almost laughed at the perky dog ears sticking up through scruffy steel/black hair. Her eyes caught against an opposing blue pair and she swallowed her gasp of air in a hurry when she recognised the face inches from hers.

"House...?"

**$inister $cribe**

Cuddy bolted upright, chest heaving under her thin nightshirt and stared wildly about her room. Fingers of sunlight crept through her curtains and filtered gold over her bed covers. Sliding through the fur of the hulking mass of Scruff at the end of the bed. He snored softly in his sleep, ears drooped in relaxation and his chin resting on his paws. Cuddy swallowed hard and ran her hands through her rumpled hair. Her throat hurt, like she had been screaming last night and the only screaming she remembered doing had been in that dream when House-with-dog-ears had done that thing with his tongue and trailed his tail up over her leg to...Cuddy's cheeks were scored with a rampant heat and she threw off the coverlet and swung her legs over the edge of the mattress. She hurled her body after them and gasped when everything protested at once.

Muscles she hadn't used in far too long suddenly cried out at apparent ill treatment and Cuddy had to catch herself on the bedside table to prevent herself from doing a face-plant right there on her bedroom carpet. She staggered once and then managed to catch herself.

"Oh God..." She straightened slowly, carefully, and rubbed at her lower belly. Her thighs were tender, her hips too, and her internal muscles felt like she'd done a marathon of Kegals last night. She felt so deliciously..._ridden._

A soft questioning whine had her turning to look at the bed. Scruff rose up into a sphinx-like position and his tail thumped against the coverlet, is ears perked.

"I ache." She grumbled at him and pointed vindictively. "I blame you."

Scruff's reply was to part his jaws and let his tongue loll in a doggy grin. His tail thumped against the coverlet harder and Cuddy scowled at him. He was completely unrepentant.

She spun away and hobbled to the bathroom, a shower would make her feel better.

Stupid dog. Giving her stupid dreams. About stupid diagnosticians.

Typical

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After a shower, Cuddy felt amazingly better. She dressed half-casually in a just-higher-than-knee-length denim skirt and a cobalt blue silk shirt over that with matching steel heeled stilettos. She strung her pearls around her neck and realised that Scruff's eyes hadn't left her the entire time she had been getting ready. He had watched her pick her underwear, had watched her put it on, watched her muse over her skirt and shirt combos. The dog liked to watch. Perhaps he was a guard dog of some kind. The police took on mongrels now, didn't they? He was definitely big enough to be intimidating enough and he had already proved that he could defend someone if need be. Cuddy gave a repressed shudder at the ugly memory of last night. She would have to alert security to the fact that, though she could never say it as Dean of Medicine, she would not rush to object if Abrahams was beaten with a nightstick or twenty if he ever turned up on hospital grounds again.

The police should probably also be informed...Cuddy shook off that thought when a large canine head slid onto her lap. She petted him automatically and listened to his rumble of pleasure. Her dog thought he was a cat.

"Okay, enough sitting around." She pushed his nose out of her way and rose to her feet. "Breakfast and then we're going out shopping." Cuddy told him and sauntered past him to go to the kitchen. She heard him snort in disdain. "We're shopping for you." She amended and there was a snuffle of grudging approval at the revised idea. Cuddy grinned at herself. She must be really desperate for a companion if she thought Scruff was so damn intelligent.

Her heels clicked against the kitchen floor and she looked over the remodelled room with satisfaction. She had lived here for nearly twelve years now and had only just had the kitchen extended to meet her standards. It was twice the size of what it had been when she had bought the house. Earth toned stone tiles covered the floor and matched the counter tops. The basin was deep and of white ceramic with stainless steel fixtures and the cabinets a warm maple wood colour. She opened her retro style refrigerator and peered inside for something in suiting with an animal of Scruff's discerning taste...and size.

"Dog food," she murmured mostly to herself, "add that to the list." Scruff wedged himself between her legs and the fridge door and perused the insides with her. He snuffled here and there and grumbled at the mostly vegetarian contents. Cuddy wasn't without the carnivorous gene, sometimes the only thing that can sate a girl is a medium rare sirloin, but those times were few and far between. She decided on eggs for them both and yanked the entire carton from the fridge, finding a pan and setting to work to make scrambled. She kicked the door shut with her heel to prevent un-supervised mooching and rolled her eyes when Scruff jumped up to the counter, huge front paws planted firmly on the polished stone top. She would have shoved him off with a scolding but she didn't think it would make the blind bit of difference.

"So," she told him brightly. "We have to go to the pet store, get you a license; collar, leash, a bed, some food...a ball? A big tennis ball?" He barked his approval and she reached over to scratch his chin. "Then I suppose we can go to the V-E-T and then to the hospital for a while...Scruff?"

Cuddy frowned and followed after the flash of steely black fur as it disappeared out of her kitchen with a scrabble of claws. She was just in time to see his tail disappearing under her couch with a long drawn out snort of disapproval. Blue eyes glared out at her and Cuddy planted her fists on her hips and tilted her head to the side.

She had adopted the only dog in Princeton that could spell Vet.

Typical.

**$inister $cribe**

House could not _believe_ this!

He stood on the black rubber topped exam table in the vet's office, ears flat against his skull, limbs trembling in what he was sure was a macho doggy kind of way and his tail _firmly_ between his legs. The cloying sickly sweet smell of antiseptic and frightened animal was stuffing up his nose and ringing in his head like an insistent bell. The urge to be anywhere but here was overpowering. He couldn't believe he'd been bribed into this for _Oreos_ of all things!

Well, his mother had always warned him: never trust a woman offering cookies...or sex without knowing his name...it had been one or the other.

He growled and glared up at Cuddy, his head lower than hers since he was in a half-crouch, ready to bound away given the slightest opportunity. His new collar felt too tight around his furry neck and the license with his new name and Cuddy's address caught the fluorescent lights and flashed off the stainless steel counters and cabinets in a blind of reflections. He trembled and growled again. The maddening urge to be not here getting stronger. He was bigger than Cuddy, she only had one slim hand through the dark blue leather of his studded collar. He could jump away and get through the door and there wouldn't be much a little thing like her could do about it...but then she might get hurt.

And that was what was _really_ bothering him. Not that he was in a vet's office, about to be on the wrong side of the latex glove, but that he couldn't freaking leave because he didn't want to hurt the woman running her fingers through the thick fur over his shoulders and neck, murmuring soothing nonsense in his flattened ears like that would beat back the smell raging through his senses and the hammering of his heart in his chest.

"Hi there, sorry to keep you waiting, Miss Cuddy and...Scruff."

House and Cuddy turned to look at the owner of the deep baritone. A tall man had entered the room and was smiling at Cuddy with far too many shiny white teeth in House's opinion. He growled low and rough in his chest again and Cuddy soothed him with more ear scrunches while excusing him to Mr Tall-Gorgeous and Colgate over there.

"His first time in the vets." She said with a smile, a genuine smile. She didn't correct Mr My-teeth-are-over-insured on the 'Miss Cuddy' part either. She was 'Doctor Cuddy' to everyone else. She didn't smile at _him_ like that. House's instant dislike for the vet intensified exponentially. His growl was so violent that he had to bare his teeth at the vet to let it all out and his were _bigger. _

"Scruff!" The growl died pathetically at the disapproval in her tone and House sidled closer to her, torn between begging forgiveness with the puppy eyes and launching himself at the vet and getting himself some underwear to chew on.

"It's alright, I'm Doctor Lloyd. You just hold his head and I'll make sure he's okay."

_Ooooh, a 'Doctor'!_ House snorted and glared at Lloyd, twisting his neck to follow the man when Lloyd circled the table to stand far too close to Cuddy. House shuffled away, bringing his 'owner' with him. That slim ball wasn't getting anywhere near his Cuddy and that was it.

"He sure is big." Lloyd noted and House wished for a human tongue to tear a strip out of the idiot with. The thing he missed most about his human shape was the ability to stop an idiot in their bumbling tracks from fifty yards off with just the right verbal incentive. Lloyd's gloved hand came down on House's right flank and he whirled faster than even he could track and snapped at the hand with a savage bark. If Lloyd hadn't been so quick in removing the limb, he would have been missing several fingers by now. House was a little surprised at his own ferocity, but he did not like to be touched without his consent and he wasn't sorry either.

A slim hand closed around his muzzle and yanked him sternly back around, eyes front.

"You will not snap at Lloyd again." Cuddy ordered him, nose to nose with him. House blinked first and dipped his head on a whine.

_He started it. _

"I know. Come here." Cuddy wrapped her arms around his neck and House buried his face against her shirt, inhaling the soothing scent of her coconut oil moisturiser, the heat of her body mixing the scent with the vanilla musk she had sprayed on before leaving her bedroom that morning. His broad forehead was pillowed against her breasts, his nose buried between them. There were definitely worse places for a hound to be, that was for sure.

"Okay, big fella, let's have a look at that scar now." Lloyd's voice was intended to be soothing but House stiffened when the man's hand landed on him anyway. Cuddy shushed him and massaged his ears so much that he even allowed the vet to look over the scar and get quite close to touching it. His leg twitched once or twice and Lloyd took the hint and backed off.

"Well, it's definitely an old wound. Healed completely but it must have been pretty serious when it happened. Something sure took a big chunk out of his leg. He's learned to compensate around it though. Dog's are good that way."

"Is it hurting him?"

House smiled on the inside. Only his Cuddy would look for another broken soul to look after. His leg _did_ hurt, but as Idiot Vet said, it was easier to compensate on four legs rather than two and, so, wasn't nearly as noticeable.

"If he was in any great deal of pain I think he'd favour it a lot. Does he put any weight on it at all when he walks?"

"Yes, he limps with it, but yesterday he got out of my car and yelped like he was in pain."

Lloyd shrugged in an open handed gesture. "Probably been lying on it too long. He's an older animal, he's got this to contend with along with other middle age ailments as well. There's not much I can do for him."

House felt Cuddy nod and heard her sigh over the thump of her heart. She agreed, but she wasn't happy about it. She continued to hold him as the exam went on and House bravely suffered through it. Even allowed his ears to be checked. The only real problem arose when Lloyd pulled a thermometer from one of the drawers. House stiffened anew. Hold it, animals got their temps taken via the...House's tail clamped further between his legs and he promptly sat on it.

No.

Freaking.

Way.

Lloyd approached him all business, but Cuddy could tell that the status was not quite quo any more.

"I don't think you should do any more, Dr Lloyd." Cuddy's fingers tightened in House's fur in time with the horrific growl working up from his chest. "Scruff's not used to this. I think we'll just go."

"He's fine. Just this last measurement and we'll be good to go until the next six month check-up." Lloyd examined the thermometer carefully for any breaks in the mercury and then turned back to House.

House growled savagely once more.

"How about we come back tomorrow?" House could hear a note of desperation in her voice. She knew he'd had enough and that Lloyd was about to lose something if he wasn't careful. Her fingers tightened on his fur once more. "Don't bite." She murmured in the vain hope that he might listen.

Lloyd's hand landed on the base of House's tail.

No biting. Fine. That still left a bunch of options open.

With a roar, House twisted out of Cuddy's grip and launched himself at one very startled veterinarian.

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Cuddy staggered backwards out of the vet's office, hauling Scruff with her and apologising profusely.

"I am _so_ sorry! I didn't know he could do that." Scruff snarled savagely and lunged as if to have another go at the now bleeding veterinarian. She heaved against the collar and succeeded in dragging huge scrabbling paws a few inches further out into the foyer. Other patients and their owners were staring. "Put some ice on that, trust me, I'm a doctor."

Scruff barked and it somehow managed to sound suspiciously like 'your mother'.

Cuddy winced at the amount of blood. She always forgot how much a broken nose could haemorrhage. Not to mention the poor man's shirt...

"You should really get that looked at." Cuddy bit her lip and managed to finally drag the enraged mutt over the threshold of the exam room door. "Sorry." She apologised once more and then slammed the door shut.

Scruff stilled immediately and then sat at her feet like nothing had happened. His tail thumped against the floor in a gentle wag and his jaws were parted in that grin of his. Cuddy stared at him and threw her hands wide her purse clutched in one of them and knocking gently against the door she'd just shut.

"All this because you didn't want a thermometer up your ass?" She demanded loudly and ignored the glare from a mother of a five year old girl and her flop-eared rabbit. The Goth teenager with his python sniggered with black lips.

Scruff nodded with a snort and then got up, trotting towards the exit, tail swinging jauntily and a spring in his step. Cuddy watched him pad out of the automatic doors like a king sweeping from court and shook her head.

Not only could he spell, but he was bi-polar.

Fucking typical.


	5. Chapter 5: Ah Crap

**Just a short one for somebody who specially requested it. You know who you are. **

**This is a bitch to write, mainly because I've gone off House at the moment (yes, DESPITE episode 23...which I still haven't watched) but I figured I can't let y'all down so I got my finger(s) out and had at it. **

**Reviews are love.**

**Chapter 5: Ah Crap**

House was hungry.

No, House was _really_ hungry. Didn't this woman ever eat? He glared at Cuddy, who remained oblivious, as she poured over her papers and spread sheets. House huffed a breath and grumbled low in his throat.

Ignored.

A whimper.

Nothing.

He moved to the door and wagged his tail, that usually got a good reaction.

Nada.

He snorted and pawed at the door.

That earned him a glare for offending the wood work but she turned back to her work just as quickly.

House narrowed his eyes at her.

He barked and she jolted in her seat in shock at the sudden sound.

"What?" She demanded.

He pawed at the door and looked antsy. He found that he had to exaggerate almost everything just to make a fraction of his feeling clear. It was not something he was familiar with doing but he was getting used to it. What he lacked in mouth mobility he more than made up for with ears and tail that appeared to have minds of their own. When she didn't move he whined loudly and reared up on his hind legs to claw enthusiastically at the woodwork.

"Hey!" He dropped to all fours and laid his ears flat, tail slinking between his legs at the reprimand.

Funny that being a dog would turn him into such a pussy.

"Okay, going for walkies now." Cuddy stood and reached up above her head to twist her body in a spine popping stretch. House tilted his head and watched the movement with appreciation before pawing the door again to make sure she didn't forget about him.

Neglect was a constant worry in his doggy mind.

She approached him with the lead and he looked at her askance. Did he really look like he couldn't be let out on his own? The collar was bad enough, it cinched at his neck and was a constant reminder that he could be shackled to the nearest free standing body at any opportunity. He'd never missed his thumbs more. Trying to get the thing off with paws had only resulted in rumpled fur and sore ears so he had decided just to put up with it…but the leash was a step too far.

Cuddy caught his look and rolled her eyes.

"Fiiine." She folded the length of leather in half and held it out to him. He took it from her and held it in his mouth with a wag of his tail and a perking of his ears. "You'd probably just wrench my arm out of my socket anyway." She grumbled, shrugging her jacket on. "At least try to behave…I'm talking to a dog." She rubbed a hand over her eyes. "Worse yet, I'm talking to myself. Okay, time to leave." She moved to the door and opened it for him.

He slunk out first, checking this way and that for possible threats, then padding past her somewhat shocked secretary (taking the time to dumbfound them by turning and deliberately and obviously winking at them) and out into the main foyer of the hospital. Cuddy had forbid him from going anywhere near a patient or somewhere a patient might be…which made her office just fine. House gave a little doggy snigger to himself and watched and smelled the people and the hospital around him.

"Doctor Cuddy, one thing before you leave!"

House sighed in tandem with Cuddy and parked his rear right where he was. Several steps away from her. She kept half an eye on him while talking to Brenda the Barbarian. House didn't tune into the conversation, with a dog's greater range of hearing, English tended to sound a lot like two cats fighting in a bag. He did listen up at the magic words though.

"Okay, give me a second, they're back in my office."

House whirled and looked at her incredulously. They'd wasted half their Saturday here! He wasn't going back in there and neither is she. He got to his four and dropped the leash to the ground with a booming bark.

Everybody turned.

Cuddy looked at him.

"Come on." She patted her leg, expecting him to come trotting (and the urge was definitely there) but he refused. "Scruff."

He snorted and laid his ears back. Everything in his body language saying 'nuh-uh'.

"Come on, I'll get take out for you." Cuddy bent slightly and he wasn't above leaching over what the angle did for her cleavage.

House half turned away from her and lifted a paw.

"Don't you dare." She warned him.

He cocked an ear at her and took a step away from her.

"Scruff…"

_WHOOSH! _

He was off.

His paws scrabbled on the shiny hospital floor and he gave a gleeful little chuckle in his head as he heard Cuddy mutter something sounding dangerously like 'shit' and giving chase without a further moment's hesitation.

House tore through the clinic, scrambled through the automatic doors, barely having given them a chance to open, and bolted for the stairs. He leapt up them with the ease of three good legs and bounded for the third floor.

He missed his ball.

He nosed his way out of the stairwell with a grunt and a heave from his shoulder at the heavy door. He trotted jauntily down the mostly empty hallway.

He gave a strangled yelp when two strong arms wrapped around his neck and his chest and hauled him up off the floor.

"Gotchya!"


End file.
